


About Horizon, A Reply

by voidslantern



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Shepard's death, One Shot, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 17:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12085968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidslantern/pseuds/voidslantern
Summary: That rare moment when Shepard actually answers her e-mail.





	About Horizon, A Reply

Once Shepard finally had the time to drag her tired and aching body to bed, the much needed sleep refused to claim her, and her mind was plagued by the images of the last few weeks. There was one face though, one person who stood out the brightest in her mind’s eye, and finally giving up, Shepard rolled off her bed and grabbed the datapad from her desk.

 

Her bare feet were instantly cold against the Normandy’s floor, so she hurried back under her covers, holding the datapad close to her chest. For a while she just held it clasped against the drumbeat of her heart, staring aimlessly out through the Normandy’s loft window.

 

Despite everything, Kaidan’s message warmed every сell in her body, making it tingle as it always did in his presence. Shepard exhaled, and stared at the lit screen, scrolling down Kaidan’s letter until she could nearly hear him read it out loud for her, a little break in his voice at each sentence that she knew had cost him a lot.

 

“Fuck this,” she finally snapped and sat up properly, determined to write a reply. She wasn’t sure he’d care, she wasn’t sure he’d believe her now since he didn’t seem to back on Horizon, but she wouldn’t forgive herself if she hadn’t tried.

 

_Kaidan,_

_I just cannot express with words how happy I was to see you again. I know I said it back on Horizon, but I want to tell it to you again. And explain some things I’ve probably failed to, as well._

_First of all, I did not choose to be stuck with Cerberus, nor do I feel any gratitude towards the Illusive Man for keeping me alive. Just to be clear, you know. For all I know what’s dead should stay dead, but that man has his own agenda. Humanity’s best interests, my ass. Anyway, what Cerberus wants is to save human colonies. What I want is to stop the Reapers, which in turn means I need to stop the Collectors. It’s all tied up, and been so for quite some time, right under our noses._

_I tried reasoning with the Council the other day, but all I’ve got was another load of bullshit. You know how they treated me two years back, but now... It seems they believe me completely mad, and I am not going to stop them in their conviction._

_Perhaps I am mad? How is it possible that I am still alive? I remember running out of air as the Normandy was dying around me. I remember the cold grip of the Void on me. And yet...  I am awake for nearly two weeks now, and until meeting you on Horizon, I’ve firmly believed I was a clone, or a VI program, or something_ not me _, not Einin Shepard who lived and died with the Normandy. The only thing that made me start thinking that perhaps Cerberus actually did it and brought me back from the dead was the fact... When I saw you, walking up to me with that look on your face, when you’d embraced me and I breathed in your scent – I realised it was me. It was actually me. Because no technology, no programming, no fiddling in my brain can possibly substitute my love for you. It isn’t possible to fake, to copy, to transfer. I love you, Kaidan. And... well... I know you probably are still angry at me, and I understand how all of it looks. I feel like I’ve betrayed everything I stood for, but at least this feeling I have for you remains. It’s the only thing out here that keeps me sane. Keeps the nightmares at bay._

_Anyway. Cerberus are complete and utter dicks, you know that. They’re pulling some BS on me about “cells” within the organisation and being completely oblivious to the other cells’ work. I’m trying to find out more, and am wondering how long until I get caught. At least those who are working with me are more or less adequate. And hey, we ‘ve got Garrus and Joker! Also we’ve met Tali, though she was pretty busy on a mission of her own. I’m sure they all want to talk to you again. And I've got sidetracked. Sorry. I'm not particularly good at writing e-mails, and usually I never do. See what you make me do, Alenko? Okay, just kidding._

_I’m forwarding whatever fishy I can find to Admiral Hackett and Counselor Anderson. If you ever feel like having some light reading for the night I am sure they’ll provide some nice materials for you._

_Other than that – it’s one hell of a suicide mission ahead of us. I’m spending all my time with the team, practically babysitting for a bunch of jackasses. We also are in dire need of upgrading the Normandy. Hope we’ll make it through._

_And thus – I just want to say it again. I love you. I miss you every moment._

_Yours,_

_Einin._

Shepard re-read the message, slumped back to her terminal and couldn't help to hold her breath as she hit the send key. If Kaidan wouldn't answer, she’d understand. Her heart fluttered as she waited by the terminal, foolishly expecting a reply even if she knew it didn't work like that in space. So she sighed, smiled softly at the holo of her love that looked up at her from the desk, and made her way back to her bed.

 

Even if Shepard was skeptical about him answering but Kaidan did write back. With stumbling fingers and forcing back tears, because sure as hell all he truly wanted was to be back at her side.


End file.
